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Dark Side of Me
Dark Side Of Me is the eighth song on the 2013 album The Afterman: Descension. Lyrics In those discouraging days I always missed the mark When we were comfort and close I would neglect to keep Ooh, you safe and unexposed A portrait of time repeats This moment now replaced With an empty wish to give I give, I gave I gave my everything For all the wrong things In this cold reality, I made This selfish war machine Oh, this has become hell How can I share this life With someone else? I promise you There is no weight that can bury us Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me, oh Now in your absence I wade Through the coursing, lonely, lost And in this tragic dismay I never could believe what I became I gave my everything For all the wrong things In this cold reality, I made This welcomed war machine Oh, this has become hell How can I share this life With someone else? I promise you There is no weight that can bury us Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me, oh Oh, I couldn't give you what you needed. It's all my fault Too coward to believe I lost it all I gave my everything For all the wrong things In this cold reality, I made This selfish war machine Oh, this has become hell How can I share this life With someone else? I promise you There is no weight that can bury us Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me, oh Inspiration "This song came pretty quickly as Travis was toying around with a melody line that caught my ear. We started to jam around the studio an little and I was so interested in where it could go, that I stayed up working on it in my hotel room until six in the morning. The next day we tracked the song." "The sentiment, “The dark side of me”is so cut and dry, but it's something very personal to me. A step further than “Iron Fist”, this song pushes into the idea of truly allowing someone into your world. It's easy to have a relationship and show each other only the beautiful shiny things. Sharing the good parts about you is elementary, so finding a partner in life can't be only about showcasing these agreeable characteristics, but also the less impressive ones. In a strange way, true intamacy lies in that dark side—in making peace with the fact that it lives inside you somewhere—so that you can share it with the person and they can be there to help you overcome it." Story On the long ride home, Sirius thinks about a small plaque that sits on Allen Linkev’s desk, spelling out words of wisdom he often hears his mentor repeat: No man is an island. “Mr. Amory,” he’d begin, his tiny eyebrows joining forces with the deep crinkle in his forehead, “We are not made to go through existence entirely on our own. By joining our lives with others, only then can we become strong continents.” It would not occur to Sirius until now that Linkev had been cautioning him specifically. Sirius had tried to remain an island his entire life. As a scientist, he chose to research ideas no one else believed in, thinking that he must be the only man who truly understood the universe at work. Looking back, he’s suddenly aware that he picked those topics because they were areas where he didn’t have to rely on anyone else. He could remain in his own isolated brain without having to answer to other opinions or hypotheses. This character flaw eventually reared its head in his personal life, too, causing him to push people away without knowing it. He kept Meri at arm’s length – not intentionally – but because it’s the only way he’s ever known. Without warning, a storm begins to roll in just as Sirius arrives home carrying nothing but the clothes he and Meri had been wearing before the crash. He refused to let the hospital dispose of them. Scientists have a hard time throwing things away, thoroughly documenting all research so that it can never be lost. The bits of cloth left from the accident are empirical evidence of the last time his world would make sense. As he hobbles toward the front porch of the modest home he shared with Meri, his legs relying on two custom-fitted steel extensions to do the work as they heal, he feels something is not right. A man he’s never seen before is there, sitting on the floor, his head tilted back against the wall of the house. At the sound of Sirius’ footsteps, the man straightens, looking up with red, swollen eyes. His brain functioning slower than usual, Sirius catches a glimpse of the badge and instantly wonders if this police officer has come with even more bad news. His hair stands on end as he realizes who the man is. Colten. The officer watches the ground as Sirius walks toward the porch, avoiding eye contact, seeming to work at avoiding any interaction altogether. Sirius puts the key in the door, half of him wondering if he can get inside without any confrontation, the other half hoping the man opens fire, raining down a barrage of punishment for all Sirius has taken from him. He receives neither. Only one word: “Why,” Colten breathes, the utterance less a question than a judgment. Sirius can’t find a single reply for a query that has so many answers: Because I shouldn’t have gone without her. Because I wanted redemption. Because I wanted to come home. Because emotions were high and I lost control of the vehicle. Because the transport we collided with was so much bigger. Because your unborn child was too fragile and Meri’s heart was too weak and sometimes medicine fails us... and I’m perpetually failing. Because you’re a better man than I could hope to be. He doesn’t have to say anything as Colten stands – lack of sleep and emotional devastation creating the illusion he is far older than he is – and says, “You had a million chances to play the hero for her, but you made your choice and hers too. You left that woman in the dark and came back like you could just turn the light on? If you loved her, you would’ve stayed up there, Sirius. You would have let her go.” Colten shakes his head, walking off the porch into the downpour, leaving Sirius to shout out into the rain, “I’m sorry!” He repeats the phrase over and over, crumbling down into himself on the welcome mat, his keys still in the door. Music Video Category:The Afterman: Descension Category:Songs